More Than You Could Ever Know
by Persephone Oswald Oleesen
Summary: Not long ago I gave up hope, but you came along and gave me something I could hold onto, and I want you more than you could ever know…" Aurikku, post FFX-2. NOT A SONGFIC. Do all wishes come true if you whistle for them? Rikku wants to try.


Title: More Than You Could Ever Know

Summary: Not long ago I gave up hope, but you came along and gave me something I could hold onto/and I want you more than you could ever know… Aurikku, post FFX-2.

A/N:I'm a really baaaaaaad person… I totally ripped off the title and summary for this piece from a Cobra Starship song. This _isn't_ a songfic, either. I was just bored of listening to my fingers hammering on my keyboard hard enough you'd think I was playing Whack-a-Mole, so I flipped on iTunes. The song's called 'The World Has It's Shine (But I Would Drop It On A Dime)' and it really fits Aurikku as I see them in my head. Weird, huh? But yeah, I wanna make sure everyone understands this: THIS IS NOT A SONGFIC. Don't worry, I won't pressure you guys into reading another one of THOSE. Blech. Anyway, if I can stop rambling for a minute…

About the Fic: This is set post-Final Fantasy X-2. When I say "post", I mean, like, maybe a month after the game? It hasn't been too long. Anyway, there's an issue in here that I'd like to warn everybody about first. Without giving too much away: at the Thunder Plains, when Auron tells Rikku to either stuff it or stay at Rin's, he does so right when the party leaves, right? Well, I tweaked the story a little so he said it _before_ they left the travel agency. Not much of a difference, but I wanted to make sure you knew that _I_ knew that I made a booboo while writing this story.

This story is more or less a continuous stream of Rikku's consciousness, so try not to get too confused while wading in the waters, mmkay? I love you all!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Rikku, Auron or their copyrights. If I did, their twisted little love story would become canon in a second, as well as those of Yuffie and Vincent, Sam and Spencer, Cameron and House and the two kids from Phantom Brave. What can I say? I like couples where the guy is insanely older than the girl. Mary sue me.

Disclaimer V. 2.0: I also don't own Big Red (the gum or the name). I actually lifted Auron's nickname from Gabi-hime's great Aurikku piece, The Shape of His Heart. Much longer and much more entertaining than this one. Really, if you haven't read it you should. Please let me use your great nickname, Gabi, dear!

* * *

I stand on the deck of the Celsius, letting the wind whip at my face. The fast-moving air makes my braids smack against my face every once in awhile and it hurts but it's a _good_ hurt, nothing like getting clawed at by fiends or nearly getting fried to death by icky lightning. No, this hurt makes you feel _alive_, like escaping a cave when you _know_ you'll never find your way out or like kicking the behemoth out of a stupid pervy Maester over and over again. It might also feel like you do when you get your first kiss.

I've _never_ been kissed. It doesn't count when you're scared out of your mind and a mean old man comes up to you and just plants one on you. Even if said kiss keeps you from being terrified of what's to come, keeps you walking a path that spells your poor cousin's death, keeps you walking in _his_ footsteps. Because Yunie didn't die, did she? I didn't stay at Rin's while the pilgrimage continued, did I? Even though I told myself it was because I wanted to prove _him_ wrong, I knew deep in my heart that it wasn't the whole story.

It wasn't _my_ story.

Back on the deck of the Celsius I begin to smell saltwater and I open my eyes to see Besaid quickly approaching. I think of the last time I came here and grin – It was the time Yunie's dream-boy had come back to her, all dripping wet and smiles and not a day older. Tidus was confused when I told him he was younger than Yunie now, but when he thought about it he agreed with me and said that for the first time his girlfriend was older than he was. Yuna was surprised to hear him call her his girlfriend and turned away with a blush, but I know that look. Hers was an easy face to read. She was happier than I'd ever seen her. Her face was the mirror image of Paine's later that day when she told me she, Baralai and her other buddies were going back to run Spira.

Which left me, Buddy, Brother and Shinra with one helluva empty airship.

Now, lemme backtrack a minute. Buddy, Brother and Shinra aren't _bad_. They're just not who I want to spend the rest of my life with. We would have never been able to track down all the spheres we had without them, and – I admit this one grudgingly – I would have never found out I was in love if Brother hadn't been as stupid as he was when we were kids. I guess admitting my idiot brother is important to me feels like a bit of a stretch, but there it is. We can't help who we love, I guess.

If that isn't the understatement of the freakin' century, I don't know what is.

Suddenly, Brother lands the airship awkwardly in the water with a _whump_ and jolts me out of my thoughts. I fight to regain my balance, and once I do I turn and cup my hands around my mouth, forming an 'o'. "BROTHER!!" I yell furiously, shaking a fist at the speaker – which, in retrospect was kind of useless, seeing as the idiot in the cockpit could only hear me, not see me. "You stupid head, be careful! I'm up here, you know!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME, YOU INGRATE?!" Brother squawks, and I slam my palms over my ears because his voice is _just too loud_. "If you weren't standing up there like a fool, maybe you wouldn't mind my driving as much!"

I open my mouth to reply when I'm stopped abruptly by what feels like a fist to the back of my head. I tumble forward, flinging my hands out in front of me and barely keeping my beautiful visage from being forcefully introduced to the Celsius, face-plant style. I turn and see a blitzball coming to rest harmlessly at my feet, the cause of the sudden dull ache in my skull.

"Ah, are you okay?"

"Ouchie," I moan, massaging my head as best as I can through my braids, and I stand up, grabbing the ball as I go and run over to the edge of the Celsius. "Wakka, you big dope! That hurt!"

"Hey, you're the ones that parked that big hunk 'o metal in my practice area, ya," the big dope replies, grinning and raising a hand toward me in greeting. I in turn flip him the bird, and he laughs out loud. "Boy, ain't you a sight for sore eyes."

I leap off the deck, stumbling a little when I land in shallow water. Brother _did_ park too close, I realize with a self-satisfied grin. "What, don't tell me you missed me."

He shrugs, laughing again, a deep, rumbling sound in the back of his throat. "Not really. But it's been a bit boring around here lately. I gotta say, I miss the old days sometimes." Getting a mischievous glint in his eye as I walk up to him he adds, "Maybe we can all go adventuring again someday, ya?"

I hand the ball back to him a bit forcefully, making sure to push it directly against the belly that was looking bigger and bigger every time I saw him. "I'm not sure you'd be up for any more adventures, old man. Are you sure you're not pregnant this time?"

"Ouch," he replies, rubbing his stomach with his right hand and pulling a face at me. "You know right where to hit to take a guy down, girl."

I am about to reply when again I'm interrupted by an impact to my body, though this one is much larger and warmer than the blitzball to my unprotected skull. I stagger sideways and hear a girly squeal which could only come from my cousin's mouth. "Rikuuuuu!" Yuna cries, happily pulling my head into an embrace as she laughs. "Why didn't you _tell_ me you were coming to visit?"

I awkwardly wrap my arms around her midriff in a side-hug, grinning wildly. "I wanted to surprise you, Yunie! It's not every day my favorite cousin's boyfriend gets to play his first blitzball game in two years! Speaking of which, where is he? I figured he'd be out here, practicing for tomorrow with Tubby here." I nudge our redheaded friend's expanded waistline and laugh.

Yuna covers her hand as she laughs, apologizing with her eyes to Wakka even as she does so. "Oh Rikku, I missed you! Tidus did too, he's—"

"Oi, daddy! Lulu says she needs your help with – hey, Rikku!" We turn to see the bright-eyed face of dream-boy himself, sauntering down toward the beach with a grin on his face as he looks between the three of us. Yuna squeals again and runs back up the beach to tackle him too. I swear that girl has more energy since Tidus came back than she ever did as a Gullwing. As I watch Tidus laugh and hold her above his head, grinning like an idiot as he spins her around, I remember what it felt like that day outside Rin's Travel Agency, shivering as I walked out into the plains. I was trying to prove to Auron that I could and _would_ continue on the pilgrimage with them, but I was also in a state of shock, trying to convince myself that he hadn't just kissed me.

It had been fast – lightning quick, to make a pun while we were in the Thunder Plains. Ha ha. Anyway, the group was pretty sobered up. Everyone was just sitting around being depressed, especially Tidus. If you can remember, we had just found out that nasty Maester Seymour had proposed to Yuna, and she hadn't decided whether she was going to go through with it or not. So nobody was really worried or cared when I walked my scared little self over to the window of the agency and looked outside, considering my options as well. Like Auron had put it, I could do one of two things. I could stay at Rin's for the rest of my life and avoid the lightning, a comforting place since I had spent my childhood with him, or I could venture out into the storm with the group and maybe have a few more chances to keep Yuna from making stupid decisions, like marrying Seymour and sacrificing herself for the masses. Well duh, of course I _knew_ the right answer to that question. I just hadn't been able to convince myself I could make that decision.

Anyway, I was just staring out into my inevitable doom and, lo and behold, here comes Big Red, suddenly standing beside me when I thought I was comfortably alone. I could never get over how quiet that man could be, even with all of his junk still strapped to him. Well, he scared me out of my wits, just appearing like that, and my defenses were pretty low. I thought the most exciting thing I was gonna get from him was a strict talking to and another ultimatum; _should I stay or should I go?_ So you can only imagine my surprise when the guy just stares at me for a minute and then leans in.

It was… Romantic, I guess. I mean, all fifteen-year-olds dream vivacious dreams of their boy-toy just waltzing up to them, taking them in their arms and smooching the bejesus out of them. It isn't often that any fifteen-year-old's dream comes true, though. It's even _rarer_ to find a fifteen-year-old who seems to like punishment a whole lot if her boy-toy just happens to be twenty years her senior.

Haha, _boy-toy_… Wouldn't Auron like to hear me call him that?

His lips were softer than I'd imagined. Thinking back, I wonder if he ever actually got any action. I mean, he spent his whole twenty-five years as a friggin' monk, and unless Jecht managed to get him drunk I doubt he was much of a partier. But anyway, back to his lips. I don't quite remember how long it lasted, but it had to have lasted more than a few seconds because I remember his taste. He was kind of bitter-tasting, like potion mixed with rum. I had never drunk up to that point, except if you count the small sips Rin gave me when I was a little kid. Still, that flavor has stuck with me ever since, and I swear I can't mix a drink that tastes any better. Even now I still drink half potion, half rum. Paine laughed at me when she found out. I didn't care. I just stuck my tongue out and went on, pouring the burning liquid down my throat like holy water because that was what _he_ drank.

The next thing I remember is him pulling away and muttering, "Yuna needs you to finish this pilgrimage, Rikku. We can't leave you behind." And with that he was gone, a smooch plus a semi-lecture in his wake.

I tripped over a stool and crashed into a table watching him walk away from me. He never looked back, even though the other members of our party did.

And he _never_ looked back. Even when he was all pyreflies-pyreflies-pyreflies and I was screaming at him in my head to look at me _just one more time_, and then he was gone and I couldn't believe it. He had kissed me and then he'd left me without even saying anything. Not _sorry about kissing you, Rikku, I really didn't mean to_ or _you're worse than the storm, Rikku_ or _I love you, Rikku!_ Nothing.

Talk about your mixed messages.

"Woo-hoo? Rikku, you in there?"

I come back to the land of the living with a _thud_, because apparently you can't daydream and be standing up too. I look up to see Wakka, Tidus and Yuna all staring at me, the latter with a multicolored expression of concern and the other idiots with varying degrees of confusion written all over their faces. I wonder what I'm going to say to them to get them to stop staring at me, and for a minute I'm speechless. Hey guys, no need to worry. I was just daydreaming about Auron. You know, dead guy, tall as hell, bit of a stick in the mud? Yeah, _that_ Auron. Oh, didn't I tell you? I was completely and utterly in love with him by the time he disappeared. See? Told you. Nothing to worry about.

"Sorry, must've dozed off there for a second," I say instead, pulling my legs underneath me and hopping up onto my feet with a quick movement. "You were right, Wakka. You guys really have gotten boring without me around. Well, we can fix that, can't we, Yuna?" I gently elbow her in the arm to show her that I really am alright because she's _still_ looking at me with that face that makes you wanna just melt, that sickly-sweet fretful look. _Damn_, I think sullenly. _I'm gonna have to tell her, aren't I_?

"I think you've got a few screws loose, ya?" After I elbow him not-so-gently in the stomach (a perfect place to attack him, I note), he turns to Tidus. "You said Lu needs help with Vidina? C'mon, you two. We can go tell Lulu hi and then we'll have some supper, ya? I'm starving."

I hold my breath because all I wanna do is make another crack about his gut.

* * *

The next morning we all pile into the Celsius to leave for the game, and I'm so happy because the ship's _alive_ again. It's still me and Brother and Buddy and Shinra, but Yuna's back along with Wakka and Lulu and their teensy-weensy itty-bitty baby Vidina, and the whole group of Aurochs are here too, talking and laughing like one big happy family. Oh, and Tidus is here too, though he's a lot less fun right now because he's all eyes and ears for Yuna. Believe me, I'm _happy_ for her, I really am, especially since the other person who hangs onto each of her words as much as Tidus does is her _cousin_, and it ain't me. Ikr, Brother ec cu _knucc_! Anyway, I make them all honorary Gullwings 'cause you can't ride in the Celsius unless you are, and then we're off, heading for Luca.

I'm on the deck again, and the good hurt is even better because Yuna is here. We sit close to the doors because we're going too fast and we really aren't suicidal and would rather not slide off of the deck like butter off of a warm knife. We're sitting and we're not talking and Yunie's giving me _that_ look again and I know she wants me to tell her and I look at her and I try not to but the words just come tumbling out.

"I loved Auron!"

Yuna, sweet, naïve little Yuna is surprised, her eyes widening to the size of blitzballs. I tell her to blink before they fall out of her head, and she does, staring at me the whole time. Finally, she finds words.

"… When? The Thunder Plains?"

Shiiiii-iva, she's observant. Maybe Auron and I weren't as not-obvious as I thought. "What do you mean? When did I realize it?" In a whisper, so low I wasn't sure she'd be able to hear it over the roar of the wind, I turn away. "Not until the end."

"Oh, _Rikku_…"

Again, I try not to speak and what happens? "It's not like I just all of a sudden decided I loved him then. It started way before, before the Thunder Plains, before Bevelle, maybe even before the Moonflow! I don't know how it started before then because I didn't even _know_ him until then but it feels like I've known him forever! And I can't make him go away and I know he's never coming back because Tidus came back in the ocean and he can't swim so he'd just drown but I can't make myself stop thinking or talking about him! Make it _stop_!!" All throughout my little speech I had been stomping my feet on the deck and pounding my fists on the wall and blatantly having a _fit_. If Yuna wasn't so understanding she would have called for help and shrunk against the wall, thinking I had gone into some episode and needed a Curaga or an Esunaga or maybe even a friggin' Thundaga to wake me up. As it was, she knew exactly what was happening and listened intently the whole time, sweet face pulled into a look of the purest sympathy as she rubbed my back.

I gasp for breath, fighting the tears even as they stream down my face. I pinch my knees together, pushing them with my hands until my kneecaps are railing against each other like steel on steel, shrieking for me to ease up or they'd just eat away at each other until there was nothing left. I try to hurt myself to the point that Auron leaves my thoughts, but even when there are bloody marks like bug bites on my knees from my nails digging into the skin and the ache in my knees reaches my stomach he's still here, floating around like a damned pyrefly, running rampant in my heart like he knew he owned it from the beginning. I can only imagine a chibi Auron marching around waving a little paper heart in the air. _Memories are nice, but that's all they are, huh Rikku? Show me your face, darling, dear. This is your story, _I_ am your story, but I'm gone, ain't I? Nog, nog, nog!_

This sucks big, floating eye-balls.

This is how the rest of my miserable trip to Luca goes, with me sitting and feeling the not-so-good-anymore feeling of my hair slashing my skin, and Yunie sitting and rubbing my back and not saying anything because the dear doesn't know _what_ to say to make her cousin feel better. I can hear the guys down on the bridge laughing sometimes, feel the reverberations of their low voices in the metal around me and I feel bad for leaving them all alone down there. I tell Yuna to go be with Tidus and she goes, if not because she feels useless because all she's doing is sitting here comforting me. But I feel better, a little, and now we're in Luca and I can't feel bad for myself anymore, because Tidus has a game and he needs me to be happy for him.

And I'm happy, and we're making our way through the crowd toward the stadium and somehow I get lost. So I'm looking through the crowd, trying to see that stupid spiky hair of Wakka's or Yunie's sweet mouse-brown head when I see a flash of crimson. I know, I know – being in a crowd like Luca's is like nothing else and there's bound to be people wearing red there. Nonetheless I see red and I'm instantly seeing Big Red's back, turned to me and retreating like it always was, always out of my reach. Well, Rin used to tell me that all we Al Bhed can do is shoot for the stars, even when we know we don't have a chance of reaching them.

So I shoot for the stars.

I follow the red through the mass of people, up stairs and down stairs and across a bridge and suddenly I'm on a dock, staring out at the very _blue_ ocean. My heart sinks as I realize that I lost the red guy somewhere behind me in the throng, probably to never be found again. I drop to my behind and let my legs dangle over the edge of the dock, humming the Hymn of the Fayth off key and thinking about nothing and _him_ at the same time. All of a sudden I get an ingenious idea, and I put my fingers to my mouth and whistle.

And I wait.

And I wait some more.

… Well, if it worked for Yuna, then why shouldn't it work for me?

I want my story too, damn it.

"Where are you?!" I holler, and even though I can feel the judging eyes of blitzball fans on my back I don't lower my voice. I simply stand and yell louder. Maybe if I make myself _more_ noticeable they'll stop looking at me. Well, I figured it's okay for you to dream even if you aren't the daughter of High Summoner Braska. Hey, I'm his niece! I should get at least a half a miracle, right?

"I want my story back! It's not fair; you took it with you, and you know it!" I scream, stomping my foot for effect. I want him to know, wherever he is, that I'm _mad_. I whistle again, and add, "Hey, stupid, I'm over here! Come find me!"

I pause for a breath, then: "If you don't come for me then I'm gonna come find you, and you don't wanna know what I'm gonna do to you if I have to! If I have to save the world one, two, three, even _four_ more times for you to find your way back to me, then I'll do it! But I'mma be pissed if you make me go through that just for you, Auron!"

"Must you make so much noise? You're worse than a trashed Jecht."

My breath hitches in my throat; it's definitely his voice, but I just know I'm hearing it in my head. It can't really be him. Did Yuna say something about Tidus talking to her in her head? I can't remember; the blood is pounding out any hope for sensible thought.

"Rikku, show me your face."

"… Huh?" I can't look at you if you're _dead_, idiot! You're gonna make me cry!

"C'mon. Look at me."

My lip quivers. "N-No! I won't do it this time, stupid! People are always leaving me and you're no different! I'd rather not watch your back disappear again!"

"Rikku, I'm not going away anymore. I'm talking to you, aren't I?"

"Exactly! You _never_ talked to me when you were alive! Or dead! … Or undead, or something! Shut up, you're making my head hurt."

"I'm not a memory anymore. I'm here. Please, look at me."

I think about it. My nightmares were never this pesky before. Maybe, I think, if I just give in he'll go away and then I can get on with my life. I can go watch Tidus' game. He'll be sad if I'm not there.

"Is that what you want, Rikku? Would you rather just get on with your life?" His voice is so solemn and sad, like a little boy who's just lost the top two scoops of his triple-decker ice cream cone that I can't help myself.

"NO!!!" The word is much more explosive than I'd meant it to be and my throat is raw with the tears I can't cry. Not even for the little boy who lost his triple-decker ice cream cone. I'm trembling so much I can't believe I'm still standing. This is definitely a dream.

"Then look at me, damn it."

"Oh, okay." Squeezing my eyes shut, I turn in a weak circle, stumbling because I can't see anything. This is stupid. Why am I listening to a stupid memory?

"Open your eyes."

My breath leaves me, and finally I cry. "Auron," I whisper, panting in-between sobs, eyes still squeezed shut so hard the lids are going to melt together. "P-please, don't… Don't be just a memory this time. Please…"

"Rikku, open your eyes."

I don't; I can't. I just fling myself forward, shooting for the stars, and for a second there's nothing and I know I'm gonna hit the dock face-plant style. Then he's there, and he's all sturdy and warm and breathing and I cry into his stupid red coat and I kiss his stubbly neck and his chin and hang off of him like an angry little girl off of the arm of her distracted father, and he's there holding me, rubbing small circles in my back like Yunie and holding me up so I don't fall. My rock, my memory, more than he could ever know. He's my rock and I'm his triple-decker ice cream cone. That's the only way it makes sense to me, so sue me. He's the first sturdy thing in my life and the first and only one I want to hold onto forever and ever and ever and ever and ever…

* * *

Translation issues? She only speaks Al Bhed once in this piece, but I hate translating things out myself so here you go.

Ikr, Brother ec cu _knucc_.

Ugh, Brother is so _gross_.


End file.
